I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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