it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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