Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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