I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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