does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
