i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
