I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
