he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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