I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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