I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
