After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
