I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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