where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
