I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
