I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
