Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
