I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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