If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
