I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
