so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
