There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
