I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My bed is full of blood and feathers
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
