She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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