I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
