Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
