You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
