I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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