guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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