Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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