A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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