whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
