So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just found puke in my bra..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
