The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
