I hate your face
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
