Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
