all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
