We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
