I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
