Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
