It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i believe in u and ur pee
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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