i'm signing you up for texting rehab
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
