dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
