We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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