So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just found a bag of teeth...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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