im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
