My hair reeks of homosexuality.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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