hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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