omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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