Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
