Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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